Infinite Dominoes

2012-01-02T17:24:00.004-07:00

Yesterday was the beginning of a new near, an opportunity to take a pause from the rush of our work-a-day lives and catch our breath, a time to reflect on the successes and failures of the passing year. Not so that we obsess on our shortcomings more to allow us to take stock of those areas in our lives that would benefit from greater attention. Our home lives, our work lives, our congregation life, our inner life - all of these are areas to which we "should" be devoting time and attention. Each can potentially be made better through a focused concentration and forethought on what it is we want from them.

I don’t pretend to be a marriage counselor or a life coach. But, I hope that as a Unitarian Universalist I can take seriously the third Unitarian Universalist Principle of “acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations”. So, that’s what this essay/homily is all about: the tenets of my liberal faith as embodied in our seven Principles. For those of you who, like me, are new to Unitarian Universalism, unfamilliar with the Seven Principles, or, also like me, are getting a little long in the tooth and somewhat forgetful you can find the Seven Principles on the UUA website at uua.org/beliefs/principles/index.shtml.

As a UU minister with whom I am a Facebook friend said in a recent post, the Principles are not a covenant of faith nor could they really be called a theology in and of themselves. The Principles are instead a set of guidelines, ideals of right relation to ourselves, our congregation and the world around us. And as Rob Smith and Dipak Panchal, the co-chairs of the Standing on the Side of Love team at Valley Unitarian Universalist Congregation (www.vuu.org/ssl), wrote in an article in the congregation's December 2011 newsletter, these Principles, all of them, are rife with contradiction or rather with paradox.

To quote that article in part: “it is in these very paradoxes that true power for growth and forward movement lie”. They go on with the example of the First Principle, our affirmation and promotion of the inherent worth and dignity of every person, saying that through this Principle “we are simultaneously asked to believe two things: that we are called toward unconditional love for others and, that we are to have that same unconditional love for ourselves.”

This is a difficult challenge, to love others as you love yourself... It seems to me I’ve heard that phrase before somewhere...

Many of us are really good at sharing and showing our love for others. Our partners, our children and our friends know beyond knowing that we love them. We’re able to show the love of others to the stranger on the bus, the waiter at the restaurant and even to those with whom we disagree but we’re not so good at the loving ourselves part. Self love sounds just a little too much like self important or self centered.

We give others of our time and effort but we pay little heed to taking the time to meet our own needs. Time enough to read that book, time enough to get some exercise, time enough to take that class we’ve always wanted to take, time enough for self reflection and spiritual practice, time enough for a walk in the park, or a hike on the mountain, or a run alongside the canal. As my favorite author put it in in the title of his seminal work, “Time Enough For Love”. Self love.

Perhaps, like me, you often spend too much time idle and leave the little things to build, one sock on the floor becomes a pile of clothes at the bedside, one day without skimming the pool becomes a weekend without skimming and the pool becomes a close approximation of leaf stew...this too is a form of denial of self, as contradictory as that seems. We really do feel better about our world and about ourselves when the environment we inhabit is well tended, and not seeing to that need is just another way to deny your love to yourself, at least, I think, it is for me.

Our second UU Principle calling us to justice, equity and compassion in human relations again presents us with a paradox, does “in human relations” mean when in direct relationship person to person, or does in mean in all relations? Plus there’s the whole “how-well-do-i-know-that person-and-how-well-do-I-like-them” dilemma. I know that I find it much easier to engage with compassion toward those with whom I agree than those with whom I passionately disagree. I think there’s a little bit of human nature in that, sadly. An example that comes to mind is the tragedy that recently befell the Duggar family.

For those who don’t know them, the Duggars have a reality show called “18 Kids And Counting” that airs on TLC. The Duggars have a deeply held religious belief in the sanctity of children. As Michelle, the mother, puts it: “saying there are too many children is like saying there are too many flowers”. So strong is that belief that their family now numbers 19 children. To them every child born is a blessing from God and a testament to his Grace. Contraception, therefore, is blocking the will of God and something they will not use. Although I deeply disagree with them and there are a great many studies that show that the quickest way to eliminate poverty and suffering in the world is to give women control over their reproductive freedom, the Duggars hold childbirth and child rearing as a sacrament. So, imagine their grief when, in early December of 2011, Michelle miscarried their 20th child. Heart stricken and grieving the Duggars named their unborn daughter Jubilee Shalom Duggar and held a memorial service on December 14th.

In most cases the news reports were less than kind and online commentary from the public was brutal to say the least. Comments ranged from “having 19 children is criminal” to “what did they expect” to “this is God’s way of telling them to stop having children” and worse. Not all the comments were this heartless but most were.

I tell this story to emphasize that compassion for many people, I might even hazard most, depends both on proximity and on agreement. And that justice and equity are often built upon our own biases. That’s certainly been my struggle with this particular Principle in the past year and I imagine it will be my struggle in the coming year as well: understanding how my own biases and privilege as a white, heterosexual, upper-middle-class man influence what I consider justice and equity and finding compassion in my heart for everyone in the family of humankind both known to me and unknown.

Our third Principle: acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth, is as challenging as the first two. Is acceptance in this sense related solely to someone's spirituality? And what defines spiritual growth? I think this is especially difficult for a faith without creed or even a coherent and communal theology.

An atheist friend and I had a conversation recently in which I told him that a place like VUU might be just the thing for him, that there were, in fact, many people in our congregation and in UU congregations around the country who identify as non-theist or even atheist. In the study our search committee did last September fifty-nine percent of our congregation listed Humanism as their spiritual identity. That’s fairly consistent with UU congregations around the country. So, an atheist would likely feel quite comfortable in our company.

But not this particular atheist. For him, rationality is his “religion” (note: those are my words, not his). Faith in a higher power, or in anything outside the realm of direct human experience and unprovable through empirical evidence is giving one’s self over to irrationality which, in his mind, is unacceptable. His question to me was “isn’t one of your Principle’s an acceptance of another person’s spiritual path and an encouragement to their spiritual growth?” Of course I answered yes. “Well then”, he said, “that counts me out.” Not only would he have had a hard time “accepting” someone's desire to forgo rationality in favor of magical thinking but he couldn’t imagine encouraging such a thing.

Another UU friend of mine had a different take on it in a recent Facebook post. She said: “As a UU I know what I believe and can tell folks in 2 or 3 sentences. I can also tell folks succinctly what our Unitarian and Universalist ancestors believed. But when people ask me what UUs believe today I invariably end up hemming and hawing and rambling out something semi-academic and utterly uninspiring.”

Reverend Peter Boulatta, a UU minister in Minnesota, might have said it better in a post on his blog (http://bit.ly/tAgovp): “...many thoughtful UUs (talk) about our creedless religion, our covenanted communities in which one is free to search for truth and meaning. It’s likely that thoughtful UUs (explain) being gathered around basic principles and values rather than beliefs and doctrines. But what (people hear is): We don’t believe anything. We’re just making this stuff up as we go along to suit ourselves.”

Now while that might be true for many, it doesn’t have to be. The UUA and VUU have a great set of tools to help congregants come into a deeper understanding of their own spiritual truth. One of those is a class called “Building Your Own Theology”. But that class is just a start, and we have ongoing work to do as individuals, in covenant together, to grow our spiritual armor and refine our own truths. UUism isn’t a blanket to believe anything you want without examination. In my mind it’s a framework to help guide you along a never ending road of self discovery and moral development.

I wonder if we do too little encouraging and too much accepting...

The fourth UU Principle says we affirm and promote a free and responsible search for truth and meaning. Free and Responsible. We have a right to a community of peers that won’t tell us what the One Real Truth is, and we expect that. But, with that right comes a responsibility to own the truth to which we come, to own the defense of that truth, to constantly test it, distill it, filter and refine it to ensure that it is in fact a real truth and not a convenient hat rack on which we hang our preconceptions. And, with that right also comes another responsibility, to hold each other accountable for taking that journey and finding that truth. After all, right there in the the covenant of our congregation, printed in our order of service every week, we say that the quest for truth is oursacrament...our sacrament...our sign of inner grace...our thing of sacred character.

A religion, any real or meaningful religion, should give us a frame of reference that informs our lives in a positive way, that helps us be better people, more loving people, more grounded people, kinder, more compassionate people. We owe it to each other to hold ourselves up to the light of discernment and to challenge others to hold themselves up to that same light.

If the other Principles are rife with paradox, the fifth UU Principle is a Gordian knot. To go back to the newsletter article from the SSL@VUU co-chairs "“the right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large” ...includes both the importance of democracy and the right of conscience. The tension in that statement, between the value of individual thought and action and the value of group consensus, is similar to the tension between the value of talking and the value of listening. Both are important, but they stand in fundamental opposition. We cannot do both at the same time. Which should we do more?”

UUs believe, and rightly so, in the precept of congregational polity. Each congregation is a petri-dish of democracy in action but it’s a democracy where each person is encouraged to find their own personal truth. We are all acknowledged to have a right of conscience - we can abstain, absent, disagree, and in all other ways advocate our own position but at the end of the day we take a vote and majority rules. Even among our congregation's board and the UUA board in the end, we vote. And voting takes time... a LOT of time...

So, we’re called to take action in the world but constrained by the democratic process from moving quickly. We’re asked to come to agreement through polity but we come with our own truth. It’s a wonder that buildings stay standing and we somehow have services every Sunday!

Our sixth Principle leads us toward the goal of world community with peace, liberty and justice for all. Well...we talked earlier about justice and its subjective nature. Here, in America, we call killing in the name of punishing killers "just". In Afghanistan they call caning a women who refused to marry her rapist just. In France they use a Napoleonic system of justice - guilty until proven Innocent.

I often wonder if my donations to Amnesty International or Amfar or the Unitarian Universalist Service Committee will ever do more than move us just a little farther toward a peaceful world. Still, I’m optimistic in my cynicism. As Dr. King said: the arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward justice. And so, I’ll continue to do my small part, to learn about the world so that it becomes a little smaller, to use my privilege to make the opportunities for others a little bigger and I’ll continue to hope that, together, our efforts bend the arc a little farther.

The last of our UU Principles says that we "affirm and promote respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part". Affirm and Promote - I really worry that although we affirm this loudly, we promote it softly. I see the world we are creating when, every day, the food we eat and the goods we purchase are packaged for mass consumption and I worry about the coming-of-uppance humanity faces on the near and immediate horizon where sea levels and global temperatures rise while clean living spaces and arable land shrink. Are the small changes we make in our own lives: recycling, driving a hybrid, composting, reusing and re-purposing enough to change the tide? I’m not so sure. But I am sure there’s more that we can do.

So where is the paradox in this Principle? Where is the tension? Well, I’m still working on this one. Perhaps, I need to attend a few Green Sanctuary meetings...I’ll try to work that in to my schedule this year...

Our Unitarian Universalist Principles, or at least most of our Principles, are filled with paradox. But, such is everything in life. By facing that paradox we come away strengthened in our understanding and so the choices we make moving forward are better informed and hopefully better in affect.

I said at the outset that the New Year was a time of reflection and renewal. It’s a time where we examine the past and plan for the future. It’s a time when we pause and take stock, where we try, if only for a short time, to gain clarity. So, I leave you with a charge. Take time this month, perhaps even this week to think about your own truths, your own spiritual path, whatever that may be.

As you think about what you want from the coming year in your career, your relationships, your family life, think too about your growth in spirit. How will you grow your understanding and enrich your way of being in the world? And how will this new year be different for you on that spiritual sojourn? Perhaps, as I do, you can use the UU Principles as guideposts on the walk. And remember as you stumble along your path that even if you fall, you can always begin again. And you don't even have to wait for New Year's Day to do it!

I wish you light and love. Blessed Be.

Can questions win the day?

2011-10-28T00:04:00.001-07:00

Today I failed again. Eager, too eager, to prove my point I engaged in "lively debate" by arguing my point first and listening or asking questions last. And, of course it accomplished nothing. Nothing was learned, no ideas were exchanged. My "opponent" left with his own ideas validated by the vitriol of the argument, vindicated and secure in the belief of the superiority of his ideas. And I in mine.

I'm working, every day, on "active listening" and on "being present". It's something I find I'm able to do so with my wife, at least most of the time, and with my friends, some of the time, but not with those with whom I disagree. And, it seems to me that those are the most important exercises in active listening. Can I listen, without interruption, without a need to "correct" what I believe to be factual errors, without immediately arming my next rhetorical smart bomb? So far, the answer is no.

But, today I recognized that failing, again. I've seen it before and noted that it as a failing. Engaging in a back and forth volley of idea vs. idea, particularly in this age, a time when, if we choose, we can live in our own personal sound garden, completely protected against any idea that threatens to shake our world view or challenge our belief systems. The world of Fox news and MSNBC and Google search results tailored to our most read sites, make it all too easy to enfold ourselves in the warm embrace of those whose opinions we share and never venture out to understand the opposing view.

The problem then, is the ease with which it becomes possible to demonize the other side. All of "those" people are neoconservative, Fascists or left-wing, socialist fruit-loops. And so the "debate" continues. With no movement toward consensus. With the polar opposites moving every farther apart. Confrontation becomes the norm. And, when confronted isn't it our nature to dig in our heels and protect ourselves? I'm convinced, more and more each day, that the current model of opinion clashing with opinion, as exemplified by modern news outlets, only pushes us further and further apart eroding any bridges that can be built as quickly as the first stones are laid.

And so, from now on, I am vowing to listen first, and only to ask questions. I will no longer confront, as is my habit. Instead, I will ask questions. I will ask, and I will listen and then I will ask again. My hope is that this will lead my toward a better understanding of those on the opposite side of "the issues" from me, whatever those issues might be.

I don't expect this to be easy. In fact I expect it to be incredibly hard. I expect to fail more than I succeed in the beginning. But I will try. And when I fail, as I know I will, I will forgive myself, learn what I can from the experience and try again. To listen, to question to engage without confrontation.

But first I will ask the other person in today's drama for forgiveness. And let him know that although we disagree I truly wish him well.

PS - he accepted my apology. It was a good day.

Standing on the Side of (Eternal) Love

2010-10-06T12:40:00.003-07:00

It’s Wednesday the 6th of October, three days until our wedding. And I am feeling introspective.

Carolina, my fiancee, and I have decided that the only way to do justice to my proposal at the 2010 UUA General Assembly is to do Justice in the taking of our vows and the celebrations surrounding the event. We have decided that after going to General Assembly and advocating for a “Justice GA” in 2012 we would like to help to set the tone by having a “Justice Wedding” in 2010. In other words, we will have a three day weekend of events oriented to foster the values in which we believe and to promote the causes that match those values. In fact, rather than ask for gifts, we are asking our guests to give a donation in our name to Standing on the Side of Love.

The “wacky wedding weekend” begins on Friday evening with a free screening of 9500 Liberty followed by a community forum to discuss the film. 9500 Liberty tells of a town in Virginia which passed an anti-immigration law similar to Arizona Senate Bill 1070 (SB 1070); it demonstrates the devastating social and economic impact of the “Immigration Resolution” that was felt in the lives of real people in homes and in local businesses. It reveals the ferocious fight to adopt and then reverse the policy inside government chambers, on the streets, and on the Internet. 9500 Liberty provides a front row seat to all three battlegrounds.

The debate around SB 1070 has been heated, not only here in Arizona but everywhere in the country. Many see us as a bellwether state where the issue of undocumented immigration (I refuse to use the dehumanizing term “illegal”) is concerned. Carolina and I feel very strongly that SB 1070 is a hateful law designed to marginalize people of color and turn neighbor against neighbor. Further it is a first step down the slippery slope of anti-immigrant hysteria. As such, she and I, along with HUNDREDS of our Unitarian Universalist (UU) family, marched in protest of the law, some even choosing to take arrest to make the point that this law is not only not the real will of the people it is unconstitutional and should never have been signed. We will continue to do outreach to the Latina(o) community here in Arizona and to use our privilege to work toward the defeat of SB 1070 and the passage of humane Comprehensive Immigration Reform.

On Saturday we have decided to hold a PReception prior to the marriage ceremony on Sunday the 10th. The PReception too is a “social action” event in that all of the dishes and flatware being used to serve our guests is either made from post-consumer materials or is biodegradable or compostable. We feel very strongly in the idea of “pack-it-in, pack-it-out”. The native Americans have said that one shows respect to the land by leaving as little a mark on her as possible. It would be a travesty if our celebration were to leave refuse in landfills that would outlive our families to several generations.

On Sunday the 10th of October, 2010 Carolina and I will take our vows and again there will be a social action element. We have asked all of our guests to come wearing a Standing on the Side of Love t-shirt. I hope to see a SEA of yellow shirts surrounding us as we pledge ourselves to one another. Also, we have decided to take a page from another great organization, whiteknot.org, and will be providing a piece of ribbon and a pin to each of our guests. Carolina and I are being hand-fasted and as the knot is tied around our wrists we will ask our guests to tie a knot in their ribbon to symbolize our support for of all of those, including our minister and some of our wedding party, who are not able to tie the knot due to their sexual orientation.

We thought hard and long about whether we should even take vows given that many of our friends cannot. We consulted with friends and gathered opinions and came to the conclusion that this would be yet another opportunity to use our privilege to the advantage of our cause. We are in a position, as a white, middle class, heterosexual couple to show the world that the lack of equal marriage for our GLBTQI friends and family is as much an issue for us as it is for them. Where the rights of our brothers and sisters are denied so too are our rights denied. We hope that by this small action we can move a little closer toward the day where all people can enjoy the rights and privileges of marriage regardless of whom they choose to love.

The final event of the day will be a flashmob. We plan to take those of our guests who are willing to a local store (to be named later) and protest in support of Equal Marriage and against the corporate donation to anti-gay homophobic candidates in certain state elections. Imagine if you will between thirty and fifty (perhaps more!) people in your local store suddenly bursting into song: “we are standing on the side of love...” all of them but two in BRIGHT yellow shirts and those last two in wedding finery - he in a tuxedo (with a cumberbund and bow tie in SSL yellow) and she in her poofy, beaded cake-topper wedding dress (with a matching sash in SSL yellow). We plan to sing a song or two and then leave, all the while handing out SSL cards denouncing homophobia as the great sin. It should be a blast.

We are planning to blog again about the events and tweet (twitter.com/acmehero) as well as post to Facebook to give a real-time feel. And, of course, we will be videoing the events as much as possible. I will try to send those in to the SSL folks as well. Perhaps we can inspire other events like this around the country. Wouldn’t that be great? Weddings all over the country where core values like diginity, environmental responsibility and giving back to the community are a central focus. We hope to see it. Until then and evermore Carolina and I will be Standing on the Side of Love in Arizona.

Jazzmine (or, 15 years of love)

2010-09-27T19:42:00.007-07:00

Darkness had fallen and I had no heart.

She had left me and taken it with her in a box

Alongside the extension cords.

It was clear that I did not know how to love, myself or others.

I could no longer see the sun.

Then, like HD's army, you came into my life

And put me back together.

One touch at a time,

One reassuring glance at a time.

One request for affection at a time.

You taught me to live again, to love again.

You gave me healing and allowed me

To find my own forgiveness and to forgive her.

You led me through the darkness,

Picking out the path from her - to her.

I knew cats could see better in the dark...

Good Without God - Humanism's Unitarian Universalist Roots.

2010-07-20T18:29:00.006-07:00

Cover via Amazon

This post is one part history lesson, one part book report and one part personal philosophy. It is the story of the second oldest faith tradition in human history one that could currently be said to encompass the beliefs of roughly fifteen percent of the US population, forty million people, and about one billion people worldwide. By pure numbers alone it accounts itself as the third largest faith tradition of the all behind Christianity and Islam. At present it is the fastest growing “religious preference” in the United States and the only one to have increased its percentage of the population in every one of the fifty states over the past generation. It could arguably be called the single most influential source tradition within my faith of Unitarian Universalism: the Humanist tradition.

According to www.uua.org Humanism is defined as a non-theist tradition that focuses on human potential and emphasizes personal responsibility for ethical behavior. Rev. Sarah Oelberg, who is quoted in UUA.org, describes Humanism as including the following values:

Showing love to all humans is a worthy goal.
Immortality is found in the examples we set and the work we do.
We gain insight from many sources and all cultures, and there are many religious books and teachings that can instruct us about how to live.
We have the power within ourselves to realize the best we are capable of as human beings.
We are responsible for what we do and become; our lives are in our own hands.

That is a good nutshell but I think the book Good Without God, by Greg Epstein Humanist pastor at Harvard University, can do a better job of narrowing down the Humanist philosophy. We’ll take a look at Rabbi Epstein’s views on Humanism in a little bit. First though, let’s take a look back at the history of Humanism, a long and rich history, much of which Epstein outlines in his book, and one in which as a Humanist and a Unitarian Universalist I take great pride.

I said in my opening that Humanism is the second oldest faith tradition in human history and I think that is likely true. As Epstein puts it:

“picture what most likely happened the first time someone came up with a theory about God or gods, or goddesses, one of his family members scowled, bushy eyebrow raised, and grunted the equivalent of “Don’t be ridiculous!” If religion is ancient, the Humanism and atheism are most likely almost as old.”

After all, doubt is as much a part of the human condition as faith, and is arguably equally strong. Humanist ideas are as old then as religion itself. Indian thinkers were penning Humanist ideas in Sanskrit more than 500 years before the early books of the Bible were likely written. Greek thinkers like Epicurus and Eastern thinkers Confucius wroate about Humanist ideas as did Middle Eastern thinkers such as Ibn Al-Rawandi whom Epstein quotes, addressing God:

“Thou didst apportion the means of thy livelihood to Thy Creatures like a drunkard who shows himself churlish. Had a man made such a division, we would have said to him, You have swindled. Let this teach you a lesson”.

The Judeo-Christian, Islamic and Hindu words are all rife with the writings of free-thinkers who questioned the beliefs of the faiths of their countrymen all across the ages. From the earliest writing to the present day there are many who choose to look beyond the conventions of their culture and kin and find a deeper meaning solely within the human condition itself. Today, we call that Humanism.

But, that word did not really come into our vocabulary until the early twentieth century. It was solidified with the drafting of the first Humanist Manifesto in 1933, a document born of Unitarian and Universalist roots. Of the thirty-four signers of the document, eight of them were Unitarian or Universalist clergy. Humanism is deeply ingrained within our movement.

In 1998 a survey was conducted among Unitarian Universalists to examine the philosophical makeup of our membership. Fully forty-six percent of our congregants at the time identified as Humanist. Both Epstein and I lump many different belief systems into the Humanist bucket. I think that’s fine, there’s room at the inn. As Epstein says in his opening chapters:

“If you identify as an atheist, an agnostic, freethinker, rationalist, skeptic, cynic, secular humanist, naturalist, or deist; as spiritual, apathetic, nonreligious, “nothing”; or any other irreligious descriptive, you could probably count yourself as what he, and I, would call a Humanist.”

So what is Humanism?

According to the third Humanist Manifesto:

“Humanism is a progressive philosophy of life that, without supernaturalism, affirms our ability and responsibility to lead ethical lives of personal fulfillment that aspire to the greater good of humanity.

The lifestance of Humanism—guided by reason, inspired by compassion, and informed by experience—encourages us to live life well and fully. It evolved through the ages and continues to develop through the efforts of thoughtful people who recognize that values and ideals, however carefully wrought, are subject to change as our knowledge and understandings advance.”

Blah, blah, blah.

I am currently facilitating a Building Your Own Theology (BYOT) class, in it I am continually asking: what is it that makes Unitarian Universalism a religion? How can a non-creedal belief system with no dogma and no formal catechism be considered a religion? A dear and wise woman answered that for me. She said a religion is a belief system that informs all aspects of your life. I find that a very useful description.

Unitarian Universalism and more particularly our Humanist tradition, more than meets this criteria for me. It provides me with a framework for understanding myself, the people with whom I interact, the world around me and my place within it. There is a great song in the Unitarian Universalist supplemental hymnal Singing the Journey titled “Where Do We Come From?” We’ve sung it many times in our congregation. We all know it, many if not most of us by heart.

“Where do we come from, what are we, where are we going? Mystery, mystery, life is a riddle and a mystery.”

How does my Humanism help me answer these questions? Let’s take a look.

Where do we come from?

This is perhaps the second most driving of these three questions in terms of its influence on religious thought. What is the origin of life? Epstein handles this with his typical style:

“Our history began with the Big Bang…it continued with this galaxy’s first star, which appeared five billion years later and the Milky Way’s birthing of our sun five billion years ago. With the formation of the Earth a billion years later came the first living cells, and then two billion years after that came new kinds of cells that “invented” both sexual reproduction and the predator-prey relationship. These twin developments led to an ever-quickening spiral of change… (leading directly to)…humans, self-awareness... (and our)…creation of myth…religion…culture…and eventually…American Idol.”

The story of evolution holds an epic beauty that in my never-to-be-humble opinion has far more impact than any mythological creation story. It doesn’t make human beings less special to accept that we are a part of a larger unguided process, it makes us more special. Out of the roughly five billion years of our Earth’s history humanity has been around for one twenty-five thousandth of that time. Let me say that again, one twenty-five thousandth…of that time. We are singular in history, unique, the culmination of every biological process since the dawn of time. But, as a Humanist I don’t pretend that the Theory of Evolution is an absolute certainty.

I have Christian friends who are wont to remind me that my “faith” in evolution is no different from their “faith” in God. Epstein reminds us to remind them that the question is not about whether one believes, but upon what evidence one’s beliefs are based. While we both share a faith, theirs is in something which cannot be studied or proven or even argued with any degree of certainty at all. Whereas my faith is in humankind itself, in our ability to think, and reason and through those faculties arrive at conclusions based upon the best evidence available at the time, and further on our ability to revise those theories when and if new evidence to the contrary comes to light. Epstein asks: would you want to fly in an airplane designed by an engineer with no advanced scientific degree, who in fact did not believe in science, and instead consulted the Bible or the pop for advice on how to build airplanes? Probably not. The scientific method is the single best tool humans have ever developed for understanding the underlying workings of our world.

Those who are in my BYOT class have heard me more than once say that I have a real problem with the word faith. To me it has always meant turning off my rational mind and accepting a premise because someone “said so”. However, one of the first pieces of concrete awesomeness I found in Epstein’s writing is that I shouldn’t be allergic to the word faith. Rather, I should recognize that my faith is not in some improvable negative (i.e., God does not exist) but in the capacity of humans to “live well based upon conclusions and convictions reached by empirical testing and free, unfettered, rational inquiry.” In other words, as Humanists and as Unitarian Universalists we question everything, including our questions! We are, to use Epstein's phrase, the Keepers of the Question. And that is a holy calling!

What are we?

Which rules the day, Nature or Nurture? Or is it, as some religionists would have us believe, solely the guiding hand of our Loving Father that determines the person we are to become? Are we evil by nature as the Calvinists would have us believe, driven to serve only our own base natures and separated from the Grace of the Almighty? Is it only the belief in a higher power that cajoles us into good behavior? Even more important is the question of what constitutes “good” behavior. How can one know what is good? Or, as Socrates asks it: is that which the gods love good because they love it, or do they love it because it is good?

To my mind, it is our capacity for thinking, for rational action, that leads us to do good not the invisible hand of a faceless god. There are many species that have self awareness, the ability to understand that they are a unique, individual entity, to, for example, recognize themselves in a mirror. But it is a unique capacity of higher primates to have “other awareness”, to empathize, to be able to walk a mile, or even a few feet, in someone else’s shoes. That, is a capacity unknown to any other species. And that awareness, not just that we are unique, but that so are Tom, Dick, Sarah and Sally, is what leads us to goodness. It is our ability to think beyond our own needs and desires to the needs and desires of those around us.

This, by the way, is a fundamental truth outlined in every major religion in the world,a fact Epstein points out in his book. Reciprocity, paying it forward, treating people with the same dignity we would like shown to us, call it what you will. In Christianity it is called the Golden Rule. In Islam, Muhammad, all praise be upon him, said “No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself.” Buddhists have been told: “hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.” In Judaism, the Talmud instructs: “what is hateful to you, do not to your fellowman. That is the entire Law; all the rest is commentary.” In other words, look inside ourselves for our own desires, project those upon our neighbors and treat them as ourselves.

To the Humanist something is only good or bad to the extent that is helps or harms humanity itself. We are singly the most cooperative species in the history of life to date. Our ability to come together in crisis or for a common purpose is evidenced every day! From people leaving their livelihoods and loved ones to rush to the aid of New York in the aftermath of 9/11 to the multi-day ordeal of a child lost in the woods and a community coming together to find him to the clean up efforts happening right now all along the Gulf coast. Ours is a community of goodness! If fully one quarter of those people self identify as agnostic or atheist or Humanist, then what is their driving urge? If we are baseless, false and evil in our core and only able to find good to the extent that we connect to a higher power, then the question should really be why are we as good as we are as often as we are?

It is my contention, and I don’t presume to speak for anyone other than myself in this, that humans more often than not, when given the opportunity, will do the right thing. When given a chance we will help those around us. When given the opportunity and when other factors, such as poverty for example, are not driving a wedge between ourselves and our humanity, we will choose to help rather than to harm, to uplift rather than to tear down. And there are examples of this all around us in our everyday lives.

Now that is not to say that there are not examples of evil in the world as well. Clearly there are. But they are not the norm. The very fact of their aberrant nature is what calls them out so loudly and why we are so appalled by them when they do come to light.

Where are we going?

I said earlier that the first of these three questions: where do we come from, was likely the second most driving from a religious perspective, this last question is without doubt, the most contentious. It is the one that drives us to look for a higher meaning in the first place. Where are we going?

For many if not most people this question means “after this lifetime”, but not for a Humanist. We freely admit that we simply don’t know what happens after this life ends. The most likely answer, given all of the available empirical evidence to date is that nothing happens after this lifetime. And that, quite simply, is the reason we need to have an impact now.

We gain immortality to the extent we impact the world during our lifetime. We gain immortality through our children, by guiding them to live a life of purpose, by passing our genes on to the next generation, and they, in turn passing theirs on to the following generation and on and on. We also live on through the work we do to make the world a better place.

Mother Theresa will not be remembered by her children and grandchildren, but she will be remembered but thousands, if not millions, for the work she did in providing solace and comfort to those in need around her. She will be remembered in that she paid forward, putting in place a framework to continue that work well into the future.

Warren Buffet will be remembered not only for his laudable contributions to the business world but for giving away his entire fortune to worthy causes, that legacy will stretch from this generation into the future beyond his children’s children’s children’s lifetimes.

I want to be clear that I think striving to better ourselves, to get that great job, or new house, or awesome iPod-thingy is not in and of itself a bad thing. Not at all! Warren Buffet couldn’t have given away forty billion dollars to charity if he hadn’t earned it to begin with.

But there are too many people, we meet them every day, for which the next great thingy IS their life’s calling. And what happens once that thingy is achieved? Does it make you happy? Sure! For about a minute. And then there is a new thingy or a better house or a higher paying job to get get get.

It should also be said that there is such a thing as too much austerity. I do not want to live in the woods and navel gaze or give up all my possessions and minister to the poor on the streets of Phoenix. And I don’t recommend that for you either - its much too hot. But a life of balance where we give as well as get, where we rest as well as work, where we look to the welfare of others as well as to our own, is a life of real happiness. At least in my opinion. My Humanist faith tells me it matters very little where we are going, what matters are the choices we make and the actions we take along the way.

We Unitarian Universalists would do well to remember our history. Ours are not “new age” philosophies, and ours is not a new age religion. It is a religion that grows from the strong roots of liberal Christian traditions that are ages old and finds truth in religious teachings from all over the world with histories longer than any of the Abrahamaic religions. It draws strength from the words and deeds of humans throughout history who have shared their wisdom with us and spoken truth to power. It acknowledges the power of the natural world to inform our lives and guide us to our higher selves. And, it recognizes that our own humanity and the human condition itself is as much, if not more, inspirational than any revealed truth. Unitarian Universalists don’t need the one perfect truth. Not as long as we continue to be the Keepers of the Question.

Marriage proposal at the procedure microphone

2010-06-28T01:13:00.001-07:00

Marriage proposal at the procedure microphone
Originally uploaded by UU World

And she said YES!!!

Faces of Fatherhood

2010-06-21T00:17:00.003-07:00

Happy Father’s Day. Whether you celebrated the day with a special dinner or just a lazy day off, if you received that special gift you wanted or got yet another un-wearable tie, given in love, I hope your Father’s Day was exactly what you wanted and that you know the joyous feeling of appreciation your family feels for the gift of your presence in their lives.

As I began to think about this message I wanted to share, I felt myself becoming more than just a little bit afraid. How does a single, childless man, the son of a single mother, someone who has never known a father in his own life, even begin to find the authority or context to speak about fatherhood? How is it possible for someone who has never seen a father of his own in action to have any idea of what's expected or required from a dad?

When I was very young, I often longed for the father I never had - usually after I’d had some sort of run-in with my mom. I would sometimes lie in bed staring out the window to the sky and romanticize my mythical father; in my childish mind he took the shape of a fighter pilot in the foreign legion, or a famous actor, or an independently wealthy super-spy.

Or, an independently wealthy, former fighter pilot turned super-spy working undercover as a famous actor.

In any case, I was sure that someday he would return to find my mother and me and we would live out our own happily ever after. It was the stuff of fantasy in the way that only children can create it.

Later, in elementary school, I found myself becoming just a little bitter about my lack of a dad. It made me different. And as we all know, difference is death in the Petri dish of social Darwinism that is the schoolyard. Then there were the activities: the father-and-son picnics I could never go to, the Pinewood Derbies where I stood on the sidelines and watched, while super-dads helped their sons race their wooden masterpieces to the finish line. There were the family softball games where I played (or rather watched) from right field as dads cheered on their sons. And yes, there was Father’s Day.

“My dad is and accountant”

“My daddy is a lawyer”

“My dad is a construction worker”

“My dad can beat up your dad!”

“What does your dad do Jimmy?”

I am not looking for sympathy here. I don’t want it and I have never needed it. I may not have had a father, but I had and have the single most awesome mom a person could ever want. She gave me more love than I could've expected if I'd had twenty parents. And, it is her I celebrate today.

My goal in telling you a little of my story is to provide some context. It is clear to me, from my own experience and the experiences of millions of kids all over our country, that fatherhood comes in many forms.

I just have to take a look around the congregation of my place of worship to see that. We celebrate and worship each Sunday with many so called “traditional” families and they sit side-by-side with many “post-modern” families. There are kids in our congregation with two dads or two moms. There are kids in our congregation who have step-dads and there are kids who, like me, have no dad. There are even one or two kids with no moms or dads!

Is there a way that all of the kids in the Valley Unitarian Universalist Congregation (VUU) can celebrate Father’s Day with authenticity? That's my question to you.

The role of father has evolved over time. The first modern celebration of a "Father's Day" was held on July 5, 1908, in Fairmont, West Virginia, in the Williams Memorial Methodist Episcopal Church South. Grace Golden Clayton, the originator, chose the Sunday nearest to the birthday of her father, whom she was mourning, as the date. In December of that year a mining disaster in nearby Mon-on-gah had killed 361 men, 250 of them fathers, leaving around a thousand children fatherless. Clayton suggested to her pastor that they honor all those fathers. Of course as it was the first event of it's kind no thought was given to promoting the event, and as a consequence Father's Day wasn't celebrated again for many years. In fact, the original sermon was never reproduced and has been lost to time.

The first "official" observance of Father's Day is believed to have been organized through the efforts of Sonora Smart Dodd of Spokane, Washington. Having heard a church sermon at the local Episcopal Church in 1909 about the newly recognized Mother's Day, Dodd felt strongly that fathers shood also be recognized. The following year she took the idea to the Spokane YMCA and their Ministerial Alliance. They endorsed Dodd’s idea, and helped it spread, by celebrating the first Father’s Day on June 19th, 1910. however, it took many more years to make the holiday official.

Whether we count the first Father's day as happening in 1908 or in 1910 matters little except to historians; either way it was a long time ago. The Great Depression was still a generation away, the term "nuclear family" had not yet been invented, women’s suffrage was still being debated state by state, and Stonewall was more than fifty years away. These were a far different times than our own. The world was a very different place. The American family was a very different entity, and so were American fathers.

At the turn of the 20^th century, the commonly understood role of the father was the stern disciplinarian: stoic, remote, and terrifying. With a fourteen or sixteen hour workday, particularly for rural farm families, a man might start his day long before his children woke and return home well after they had gone to bed. A child might interact with her father only when receiving discipline or on holidays and otherwise might only interact with her mother. A father was responsible for the support of his family, and often that was where his duties ended. The rearing of children was the province of their mother and, if the family was wealthy, the servants.

The idea of fatherhood really began to change in the years following the Great Depression and World War II. Industrialization and the growth of the middle class meant that fathers were spending less time toiling to support their children and more time parenting them. Evenings and weekends became family time, and fathers engaged with their children much more often and in new ways.

The fifties and sixties brought us Father Knows Best and Leave It To Beaver. Dad was not only authoritarian he was also wise. He could deliver a baseball, a life lesson and a spanking with an equal amount of love, sometimes in the same 30 minutes. But the sixties also brought us My Three Sons, a clear departure from the nuclear family.

By the time that Richard Nixon made Father’s Day official in 1972, the idea of fatherhood and the role of fathers had changed even more. As women began to take a much more active role in the working world, men were called upon to take a more active role in the rearing of their kids. They were being asked to help nurture their children along side their wives and to help to foster an atmosphere that promoted intellectual and emotional growth.

During the eighties, the American family saw further changes. Children raised by single parents became much more common and the term “latchkey kid”, first coined during World War II when one parent would be off fighting the war the the other would be working became, a much more common occurrence.

The late eighties and nineties saw a widespread call for equality from LGBT couples and many began to build families of their own through adoption, fostering or natural means. In recent years laws banning gays from foster care and adoption are being challenged in the courts. More and more, children are being raised in families built on love without a care for the conventions of the past.

Today it’s not at all uncommon for children to be raised in a non-nuclear or postmodern family structure. According to the 2000 census approximately forty percent of American children are being raised in families without both a mom and a dad. Again, I ask how do those families share in the celebration of Father’s Day?

Another title for this post could be: The Story of Two Jacobs. Both of them are wonderful little boys, each with a different type of Father.

Our first Jacob is a regular fixture at VUU, the son of Linda and Anne. Linda and Anne tried very hard for a quite a while to conceive Jacob. He was very much wanted and they dedicated themselves to bringing him into their lives. There were many trips to the doctor and many long nights spent talking about what it meant to bring a child into their lives especially. They asked the same questions every prospective parent asks. Could they provide for him the life they hoped he'd have? Could they give him they strength of character that every child needs?

Although they have never really worried about Jacob needing a father per se, they definitely worried about him having male role models. They have made sure to encourage strong relationships between Jacob and the men in theirs and his life. His grandparents, family friends, and others have all played a role in giving Jacob the confidence he needs to grow into a boy of conviction.

Once, when Jacob's preschool asked the class to talk about what they wanted to be when they grew up, Jacob answered without missing a beat: "I want to be a mommy when I grow up!" And when the other kids in his class insisted that he couldn't be a mommy because he was a little boy, he countered with unassailable kid logic: "I can be anything I want to when I grow up, my mommys told me so!"

Our second Jacob, a beautiful little boy, was 22 months old and a victim of neglect and abuse when he entered the home of Karen, as her foster child. In a very sort period of time Karen fell in love with little Jacob and adopted him, binding him with love to her heart and home to share her life with her partner who, as it happens, was also named Caren.

As a result of his treatment before he came into these women's lives, Jacob was slow to develop. It took him longer than most kids to begin speaking. When he finally did begin to speak he would often call out to men with whom he came in contact, mistakenly calling them "daddy". This happened several times in restaurants and other public places much to the embarassment of his mothers.

Jacob's moms struggled with how they should each be addressed. Since they both shared the same first name having little Jacob call one of his mommies "Mommy Karen" and the other "Mommy Caren" clearly wouldn't work. One day, after spending the day painting and working on things around their home, Caren came downstairs, in her overalls, and a flannel shirt, a baseball cap sitting backwards on her head. Jacob, looked up in surprise said "daddy"! From that day forward, our second Caren was Jacob's daddy.

Jacob referred to her as daddy to his friends, his family and his teachers. Once, when his preschool class made their family trees as a class project Jacob did his too, confidently placing Caren as his "daddy" at the top of his tree next to his mommy, Karen. When his classmates told him that she couldn't be his daddy because she was a girl, he confidently and without any sense of difference firmly told them: "she's my daddy!" And that was that.

And that was that. Caren, took to the role like a duck to water. Jacob was as much her son as he was her partner's even though as a gay woman the law said she had no standing. In her heart and in her action, she was Jacob's daddy. In fact, so much so that her biological niece's and nephews began to jokingly call her "Uncle Caren".

Caren helped to shepherd a child, once so scared of the world that even getting him to dip his toe in the water to take a bath was too much for him, into a healthy, loving little boy. That is love, that is nurturing, and that is Fatherhood, gender be damned.

I believe its possible for an adult of any gender or familial relationship to help a child to learn the lessons typically ascribed to a father: Courage, Commitment, Honor, Steadfastness. Anne Geddes, the famed photographer of babies and moms, once said: "any man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad." I couldn't agree more. But, I would urge us to take that further and remember that much like children themselves, fatherhood comes in all shapes and sizes, all colors of the rainbow and, that in whatever form its found, biological father, uncle, grandfather, "big-brother", sister, aunt, mother or grandmother, it is the love, the nurturing, the support and the guidance that matter.

On this Father's Day let us celebrate all of those in our lives and in the lives our kids who willingly take on the role of father. Let us revel in the diversity of our community. All of our kids can and should have someone with whom they can share this Father's Day. To paraphrase a famous movie line: father is as father does.

Radical Tolerance In Modern "Civil"-ization

2010-02-04T22:41:00.000-07:00

Radical Tolerance in modern "civil"-ization

On Sunday last (1/31/2010), the minister of our congregation, Rev. Lone Jensen, asked us to consider the idea of Civility. As I was listening to her sermon, I was taking a few notes on my iPod Touch and thinking about the question deeply. What marks civility? How do we practice it? Is Civility equal to tolerance or, are they different issues? Why has civility declined?

I have always believed it best to start with definitions; so, what is Civility? According to Dictionary.com Civility is:courtesy; politeness. Merriam-webster.com defines it as: civilized conduct; especially : courtesy, politeness. However I prefer the definition given by the Institute for Civility in Government: Civility is claiming and caring for one's identity, needs and beliefs without degrading someone else's in the process.

To my mind there is a difference between the mere act of politeness and the intent behind it. It's one thing to hold a door open perforce, because it's the thing you normally do, and yet another to intentionally hold the door because the act eases the way for another person. Although it can certainly be argued that saying please and thank you merely as a matter of habit is a good thing, I think it's better to understand the "why" behind the action. Manners and civility are often used interchangeably. But the former does not necessarily imply the latter. A person can have "manners" when in mixed company but in the hollow of their heart still be uncivil. It is the consideration attendant to ones actions that makes them civil. It is understanding that we do not live in a vacuum, we are in community with each other. And, that in a community, thoughtfulness and consideration, of the reasons for our actions and of their consequences, mark the difference between dystopia and paradise. True civility is knowing that our actions have effect on others.

Being late to that meeting when you could be on time screams to the others attending that you don't value them. Saying thank you shows gratitude and appreciation. But, if the thank you is given grudgingly or "snapped off" quickly without eye contact it becomes meaningless, simply more noise in an already-too-loud world. The bone of manners or politeness is tasteless and hard without the meat of intention. So, if it's not merely manners and politeness but intention that marks civility how can we "aim" our actions to make civility a default condition? I believe it starts by practicing what I have heard called "Radical Tolerance".

Unitaritan Universalists already practice Radical Tolerance in our spiritual lives. In fact its enshrined in the Third and Fourth Prinicples of Unitarian Universalism. We practice an "Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations" and "A free and responsible search for truth and meaning". We believe that there is no single path to truth, that each seeker must chart their own course, but that we, in community, have a responsibility to support them on that journey. In other words, we "claim and care for (our) identity, needs and beliefs without degrading someone else's in the process". If we were simply to apply these same Principles to the other areas of our lives we would be living a life of Radical Tolerance. Civility will follow as a matter of course.

Radical Tolerance means respecting another person's right to live their life in the manner of their choosing so long as it doesn't infringe on the rights of others. Period. No exceptions. Now, before you say "I am Radically Tolerant" consider this: this belief means that the jerk on the highway has a right to cut you off or not let you in (so long as it doesn't cause an accident or bring harm). The guy who yells at the waiter has a right to do so and, the waiter has a right to tell him to buzz off! The hateful people who protest at funerals to decry against homosexuality have a right to do so, and Radical Tolerance suggests that we shouldn't yell back - even if they infuriate us. This is HARD STUFF because, the other side of the coin is this: the fact that WE believe in, and practice, Radical Tolerance does not imply that anyone else must. The responsibility is all ours. Technically it's theirs too - but Radical Tolerance means respecting that they may not be able or willing to accept that responsibility.

In the end, tolerance, civility, politeness and the rest of these things that lead to a "civil"-ization only apply to US. We cannot control the actions of others, nor should we try in my opinion. There is an old adage that says "never try to teach a pig to sing, it wastes your time and annoys the pig". But, we can control how we respond. We can choose: to flip the other driver the bird or to let them drive away blissfully unaware that we exist; to holler at the grocery store patron with a cart full of items in the express lane or to read the Star while we wait our turn.

We can holler from the rooftops about the need for civility but, it starts (as it must) with us

I'm Just Askin'

2009-10-29T00:37:00.001-07:00

Recently I saw the following posted on a status on my Facebook feed:

“(user) Is a Christian and proud to say it!!! Let's see how many people on Facebook aren't afraid to show their love for God. Repost this as your status. The catch is each time you see this as someones status, say a quick prayer for the person who posted. GOD BLESS!”

This status immediately brought to mind a few questions.

Firstly, why would any Christian not be “proud” to proclaim their faith? Particularly when, according to www.religioustolerance.org more than 75% of Americans self-identify as Christian? It is not as if they were Native American and had been made to feel ashamed of their faith by Christian missionaries and “Indian Schools”. Nor are they Wiccan or a member of another “fringe” religion and thus often forced to defend their religious choice to those who think they cut heads off chickens or practice some other, more diabolical form of ritual sacrifice.

Secondly, why would they be “afraid to show their love for God”? I could, perhaps, understand this if they were Jewish or Muslim and had to fear actual violence against their person. According to FBI hate crimes statistics more than 1100 hate crimes were directed against Jews and more than 140 vs. Muslims in 2007, the last year for which statistics are available. Of these crimes more than 340 were “crimes against persons” as opposed to “crimes against property” (250+ for Jews and 80+ for Muslims). This compares to a total of 23 “crimes against persons” committed against Christians (and that combines both Protestants and Catholics).

Finally, why say a prayer for those with whom you agree and who, according to your own beliefs, are already favored by God? Wouldn't it be more “Christian” to pray for those with whom you don't agree, especially those who are non-believers?

Perhaps I have it wrong here. If so let me know. Either way, I think these are questions worth asking.

Untitled

2009-10-20T14:05:00.002-07:00

I will wrap her body round me, like a cloak.
The breadth of her form lengthened against mine,
The hot breath of her voice against my ear,
The weight of her gaze and the weight of her core.

I will wrap her thoughts around me, like a cloak.
Her measured introspection,
The expanse of her ideas and her ideals,
The warmth of her humor and the unconstrained bluster of her laugh.

I will wrap her spirit round me like a cloak.
The steadfast mettle of her character,
The tender mercy of her concern,
The meditative vigil of her journey.

I will wrap the whole of her around me, like a cloak,
And step with confidence into the world.

soulmate

2009-10-06T04:12:00.000-07:00

Blown about like a shuttlecock,
buffeted by winds of fleeting emotion. Assigned like fatigues to each new recruit.

The foolish craftsman hurls gobs of want like plaster at a wall hopeful
that with repetiton, it will, at long last and finally stick;
not just stick, but form of itself a sculptured mantle to hold his dreams,
to bear the weight of his future.

The composer though, wiser with his years, does not labour over his compositions.
He bides, knowing they will arrive of their own accord and on their own schedule,
complete, needing only the confidence of his readied pen to burst forth fully formed
and echo their perfection through the ages.

Ollie Ollie Oxen Free

2009-08-04T01:38:00.001-07:00

Once, I hid
In darkened rooms and well lit halls.
In slumber and the somnolence of a self induced haze.
In silence and solitude
In crushing noise and crowds.
In the inferred personage of others desires.
Once, I hid
From projected fears.
From unearned ridicule.
From dismantlement or disappointing.
From expectation or expectations.
From responsibility or regrets.
Today, I run for home.

Sleep (or the lack thereof)

2009-07-18T02:45:00.000-07:00

It is 2:32am on a Saturday as I write this post and (again) I cannot sleep. This seems to happen a lot lately. In fact its gotten to the point that the consequences of not having the sleep are becoming a problem in the rest of my life. Particularly with work.

I am not sure what happened. Sleep and are were once best friends; I even dated Sleep's sister (she was a real dream girl). But somehow, somewhere along the path to "adulthood" (this from a man who still visits the toy aisle in every department store he shops in), Sleep and I lost touch with each other. We never really had a falling out per se, we just stopped communicating well. I guess it happens sometimes but, usually it happens with friends who are seperated by some distance! Sleep and I still see each other every day, sometimes more than once! But lately nighttime rolls around and his usual visit to my house gets "delayed". Apparently, Sleep has a new BFF and I have slid down the ladder to an I'll-see-him-when-I-can friend...

I guess perhaps it's true what they say: familiarity breeds contempt. Sleep knows me too well. He knows that I will ALWAYS want him, I am hooked. So, he has begun to take me for granted. I can't quit him! I am hoping that sometime soon I will find a way to breach this gap in our relationship. But, until then, I guess I will ask my other BFF, the Interwebs, to keep me company until he gets here...

"My" Value Proposition

2009-07-05T06:46:00.000-07:00

I work in the corporate world where we hear a lot of "corp-speak" like "paradigm shift" and "synergy". One of the phrases I hear quite a lot, and that we use at work quite often is "value proposition". But, I think that in using a phrase over and over we often devalue it's meaning, particularly in its broader application.

Where my company is concerned I can go on for hours about our Value Proposition. In fact, in my work blog (www.messagewaitinglight.blogspot.com) I drive deeply into these areas. But, today I would rather focus on the personal Value Proposition. I really think it is vitally important that we each understand our own Value Proposition.

Recently my boss challenged his team to, in every meeting we attend or event in which we participate, consider this question: what value do I add to this event? How can I add value to this discussion, this customer's situation, this sales meeting, etc. In thinking further on how to apply this bit of wisdom it occurred to me that this was something that I could use all the time, in every day life in virtually all aspects of it too!

Think about it! How much improved would your relationships, work life, home life etc. be if you went into every event with that idea in mind? What Value do I add to my marriage? What Value do I add to my children when I see them today? What Value do I add to my church, my community, my relationship with my friends? Now imagine that your spouse, or children or church or community leaders, your children's teachers, were asking that same question every day? How much improved would all those areas of our lives be if we simply asked that question all day, every day: what Value am I adding right now; what's MY Value Proposition?

Now remember this is not "what is my over all Value". Asking the question only in the broadest sense, while helpful, doesn't bring the same immediacy, the same impact to the answer. Of course you add value to your spouse in the long run or you would not still be married! Certainly you add value to your children, after all they're fed and clothed, right? But, what is the specific value you add RIGHT NOW, in THIS moment for THIS event, relationship, etc.?

Perhaps (I think certainly) approaching every interaction you have throughout your day with this same question, what's my Value Proposition, can help you become a better salesperson, systems engineer, wife or husband, father or mother, or friend. And just imagine if everyone you encountered had that same equation running through their mind...

So, as I was challenged, I challenge you. As you move forward through your day-to-day, keep always in the front of your mind that question and answer it freshly for every interaction you have. Before you ask another to forward your success, ask how you can contribute to theirs. Know your Value Proposition.

In the moment

2009-06-05T19:30:00.001-07:00

Wake. Cope. Sleep. Repeat.

All you can ask of yourself is to handle Today; really it's all you can ask of the Universe.

Yesterday is over and has no power except that which you give it Now, in this Moment; Today.

Tomorrow is vague and unknowable, good or bad. A focus on Tomorrow can only lead to the pain of worry or the angst of anticipation.

Today is unfolding, immediate, it is actionable. Each action taken or decision made Today builds for the future; positive choice, pro-action, helps the future unfold positively; negative choice, re-action, is a dose of poison building to a lethal dosage.

Wake. Cope. Sleep. Repeat.

The Best Mothers Day Gift Ever

2009-05-09T16:12:00.001-07:00

Rape.

The word conjures pictures of women beaten or battered into forced intercourse with a stranger, having been caught unawares in a parking lot, a deserted street, a back alley or somewhere she should not have been, alone (as if women should not be able to walk anywhere they choose worry free).

But, here is the reality (Statistics from the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network):

1 out of every 6 American women have been the victims of an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime (14.8% completed rape; 2.8% attempted rape)

All women: 17.6%
White women: 17.7%
Black women: 18.8%
Asian Pacific Islander women: 6.8%
American Indian/Alaskan women: 34.1%
Mixed race women: 24.4%

Approximately 2/3 of rapes were committed by someone known to the victim.
73% of sexual assaults were perpetrated by a non-stranger.
38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.
28% are an intimate.
7% are a relative.
According to the U.S. Department of Justice, nearly 6 out of 10 rape/sexual assault incidents are reported by victims to have occurred in their own home or at the home of a friend, relative, or neighbor.

Why am I writing about this? Because I have to. I have not been able to blog about anything recently because every time I sit down, this issue keeps coming to the front of my mind. Recently a dear friend of mine told me about her personal experience. In her teens she was raped during a party. And it made me think about how often I have heard this from the women in my life.

I have been blessed to have many female friends. And, perhaps because I am a feminist, and that somehow comes through, or that I try to be a compassionate person toward all of my friends, I have sometimes been honored with their trust as well, trust enough for them to share their experience with sexual assault. Their experience, belies the statistics given above. The incidence of sexual assault is higher.

I am saddened, shocked and angered by these statistics. Each time I hear that a friend or lover or family member has faced this brutal crime of dominance and power I feel these emotions again. Shock that my loved one was harmed, anger toward the perpetrator, and sadness that despite our so-called advanced society, women, and particularly young girls (most sexual assault takes place against women younger than 18: 44% of all assaults; girls ages 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general population to be victims) still regularly worry and fear for their safety.

I also angers me that we don't talk about the fact that "rape" does not mean violence, and that somehow the false perception that if it did not include violence it is not rape continues to persist. Rape occurs any time a person is forced, coerced, and/or manipulated into any unwanted sexual activity. This includes rape, incest, child sexual assault, ritual abuse, date and acquaintance rape, statutory rape, marital or partner rape, sexual exploitation, sexual contact, sexual harassment, exposure, and voyeurism.

It particularly angers me that we don't talk about this with boys. Early and often. There are age-appropriate ways to talk about acceptable touching and unacceptable touching, to talk about boundaries, to talk about consent. Little boys and little girls can learn these concepts and should be taught them. But, because of this country's stupid puritanical roots we are unable to even talk about sex to kids and since most people still equate rape with sex that means we can't approach this issue either.

But, just because we can't talk about this in schools does not mean you can't talk about it with YOUR kids. Or that you can't join me in supporting causes like Men Can Stop Rape or the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network. Together we can work for a day when the women in our lives, mothers, daughters, friends and lovers can live without worry about their safety.

And, that just might be the best mothers day gift ever.

Who's keeping the change?!?

2009-04-14T21:19:00.000-07:00

I have been watching with hopeful vigilance as Mr. Obama's first 100 days have inched they're way to completion. And, in general I have been incredibly impressed with my President. These are trying, eventful times and he and his administration have met these challenges with substantive policy and a real willingness, sometimes too much so IMO, to cross the isle and work with the Republicans to get bills pushed through as quickly as practicable.

I have also been watching for this administration to right the wrongs of the previous pack of criminals. Particularly the damage done to our civil liberties and to the separation of powers enshrined in the Constitution. Although they have begun to address the neo-Luddite, anti-science, anti-intellectual policies that lead us to run screaming from the Kyoto treaty, deny the existence of global warming, and stop government investment into any scientific inquiry that didn't meet the religion test.

However, the Obama Justice Department has continued to uphold the same nonsensical arguments regarding secrecy and Executive Privilege, and Habeus Corpus. So much so that some of his staunchest supporters (including me) are beginning to call them out on it. And you should too.

Ours is a country that had been and should continue to be based upon the rule of law. We believe that the civil liberties guaranteed to our fellow citizens not only apply to us but to anyone who steps foot on our shores and even to (especially to) our enemies. At least we had been until the Bush gang took over the the Whitehouse and threw out the Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh and Eighth Amendments to the Constitution (and tried VERY hard to cut out the First Amendment too).

Speak out folks! These policies are WRONG. They are not only wrong they are DANGEROUS to you and to the health of our country and our form of government. Write, call or email your congresspeople and tell them the Obama administration should be held to a higher standard than the Bush Gang was. We voted for change but NOT for a change in the Constitution. We voted to give the Obama administration the power to execute that change, but not absolute power to do as they see fit without oversight or checks and balances.

Keep your eyes open folks. I am, and remain, a strong Obama supporter. But, I will continue to watch for further abuses of Executive power and encroachments on our Constitutionally protected rights. He does NOT get a free pass just because he is a Democrat. In fact, it means I expect MORE from him and his administration. And you should too.

First Paragraphs

2009-03-28T00:22:00.000-07:00

I became what I am today at the age of twelve, on a frigid overcast day in the winter of 1975. I remember the precise moment, crouching behind a crumbling mud wall, peeking into the alley near the frozen creek. That was a long time ago, but it's wrong what they say about the past, I've learned, about how you can bury it. Because the past claws its way out. Looking back now, I realize I have been peeking into that deserted alley for the last twenty-six years.
- The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini

Based upon a recommendation from both my mother and a dear friend, I recently acquired a copy of the book quoted above, and was, as I often am, sold by the first paragraph. Mr. Hosseini's simple, elegant prose tells of who this central figure in the story was and who he was to become, hinting at the whole of his character in a single sentence: "...I realize I have been peeking into that deserted alley for the last twenty-six years." How could I NOT read on?!?

For me the first paragraph of a novel is the most important paragraph of all. I am often hooked (or not) by those first few phrases; if they capture my attention, for whatever reason, I am sure to continue on and finish the book, devouring it with relish (and ketchup) and having it hold my attention from beginning to end, to the detriment of conversation, sleep and the pursuit of other enjoyment.

In several of my favorite books the first paragraph grabs you by the throat and shakes you. You know, right from that start, that this book is going to be a rollicking adventure of the first order.

As I left the Kenya Beanstalk capsule he was right on my heels. He followed me through the door leading to Customs, Health and Immigration. As the door behind him contracted I killed him.
- Friday, Robert A. Heinlein

Some authors though, seem to have dictated, rather than written, their books - as if they were meant to be read out loud, like an epic poem, for all around to hear. Prose with a lyrical quality can take a book to new heights. I find myself compelled by the elegant, flowing, beauty of his writing to read every book Tom Robbins has authored but that "chore" started when I first read this paragraph (thanks mom):

It was a bright, defrosted, pussy-willow day at the onset of spring, and the newlyweds were driving cross-country in a large roast turkey.
- Skinny Legs and All, Tom Robbins

In other books the opening paragraph paints a picture of the protagonist's character. Their inner monologue, revealed in the opening lines, sheds light on their worldview, creating an immediate impression that bonds you to the hero from the first page.

We slept in what had once been the gymnasium. The floor was of varnished wood, with stripes and circles painted on it, for the games that were formerly played there; the hoops for the basketball nets were still in place, though the nets were gone. A balcony ran around the room, for the spectators, and I thought I could smell, faintly like an afterimage, the pungent smell of sweat, shot through with the sweat taint of chewing gum and perfume from the watching girls, felt-skirted as I knew from pictures, later in miniskirts, then pants, then in one earring, spiky green-streaked hair. Dances would have been held there; the music lingered, a palimpsest of unheard sound, style upon style, an undercurrent of drums, a forlorn wail, garlands made of tissue-paper flowers, cardboard devils, a revolving ball of mirrors, powdering the dancers with a snow of light.
- The Handmaids Tale, Margaret Atwood

Even a single sentence, such as the Robbins quote above or the one below can draw you in.

This is my favorite book in all the world, though I have never read it.
- The Princess Bride (the good parts version), William Goldman

I could go on and on, I am a reader (again, thanks mom). I LURVE the printed word or, rather, I love BOOKS. I can (and do) read electronic books but I like best when I can curl up with my book and shut out the world and everyone in it. I love the dank smell of dusty, used books and the acrid odor of brand new print on fresh paper; I love the feel of the paper itself and the heft of the book in my hand; I love that moment where the story wins, carrying you away into another world at the author's side; I love the sense of hopeless frustration when even though I am still caught up in that world, I simply MUST put the book down and go to sleep; and, I love the sense of weary satisfaction I get when the book wins and I finish the last page and close the back cover just as the sun is rising.

But, most of all, I love the anticipation of cracking the cover and diving in at the first paragraph.

Look at the monkey (or shilling for AIG)!

2009-03-25T11:47:00.000-07:00

Keep your eyes on the prize America! Like a game of financial Three-card Monte, the (unarguably) sickening AIG bonuses are being trotted out in, what I think, is a bid to get us to take our eye of the black queen (the failure of the deregulation, supply-side economics that got us into this mess) and substitute it with an ace (a ginned up "scandal" around bonuses that amount to less than .01% of the total of the monies used to bail out AIG).

IMHO, this is a first step in getting us, the "outraged" public, to fall prey again to our limited attention spans. Distract us from the actual issue and while the outrage is high push through even more bailout cash to the same nitwits who've ruined the global economy while ignoring the need for regulation to stem the losses and prevent a recurrence; find a monkey to dance for the crowd and shake the bailout cup while the organ grinders turning the crank on the whole shebang send in their crony's (read lobbyists) to pick our pockets of everything including the lint.

And rather than LAUGHING OUT LOUD at the idiocy of the failed policies that got us into this mess some people are still taking seriously the supply-side, trickle-down, voodoo economics that got us into this mess to begin with. What's worse is that it's not just the Republicans that are spouting this nonsense, but so-called Blue Dog democrats who are actually (finally!) in the position to FIX THIS SHIT that are threatening to block Mr. Obama's budget.

Have we not learned ANYTHING?!?!? Deregulation and low taxation on the top 2% DO NOT WORK!!! In fact, every time we have tried it it has lead to the same boom/bust economic cycles. Here are a few examples to refresh your memory:

1. 1978 - Airlines are deregulated

Result - Between 1978 and mid-2001, nine major carriers (including Eastern, Midway, Braniff, Pan Am, Continental, America West Airlines, and TWA) and more than 100 smaller airlines went bankrupt or were liquidated—including most of the dozens of new airlines founded in deregulation's aftermath (source).

2) 1992 - National Energy Policy Act of 1992 is passed beginning a spate of other Federal and State deregulation efforts.

Result - The California electricity crisis, characterized by a combination of extremely high prices, rolling blackouts, price instability and spikes leading to the bankruptcy of Pacific Gas and Electric and the public bail out of Southern California Edison (source).

3) 1996 - Telecommunications act of 1996 deregulates telephone, Internet and media (radio and television) industries.

Result - Today, four companies control 90% of all nationwide radio advertising revenue and cost-cutting measures by these new corporate owners have resulted in a scaling back of local news coverage, job cuts, and the homogenization of programming across the nation (source). Cable rates have shot up 48 percent nationwide since 1996. Cable rates have increased nearly three times as fast as inflation. 95 percent of Americans homes still have only one choice for a cable company. As for local telephone service, rates have increased 23 percent since the Telecommunications Act was passed. Before deregulation, there were eight major companies providing local phone service, each to a different area of the country. Today those eight companies have shrunk to four as a result of massive consolidation. The two biggest companies, Verizon and SBC, each control 30 to 40 percent of the nation's local phone business (source). These same companies control the last mile, the "pipe" that provides a link into your home for your Internet and alternative media services. And their control comes from a position of a protected monopoly!

When will we learn our lesson America? The best economic policy is one that regulates the excesses of the minority to protect the interests of the majority. Kind of like the Obama budget will do by rolling back tax breaks for the wealthiest 1% of Americans and instead reducing taxes for 95% of middle Americans. The "Blue Dogs" need to get their heads out of their proverbials and get on the right (read LEFT) side of this issue. And if they don't YOU need to hold them to account (I will certainly do my part)!

A blog by any other name (redux)...

2009-03-25T11:46:00.000-07:00

The decision has been made. This blog shall be: Infinite Dominoes.

Why Infinite Dominoes? I believe in the idea of contextual Free Will; we are all connected, to each other and to our own past. Every choice we make, or don't, leads inexorably to the next. We build ourselves experientially (oooh I love coining new words!). Each choice is made freely but we don't live in a vacuum. We live in community and we have history. We carry that community and that history with us in every action we take or opt not to take. Our history and community provide context to our actions allowing us to understand whys of what we do and to learn from our successess and failures.

That context is something that has been horribly lacking in our public and political discourse over the last several years. I hope that is something I can keep in mind as I share my take on things with you all. Look forward (or not) weekly updates (at a minimum) as I try to get things into perspective for myself and understand what makes the Dominoes tumble.

A blog by any other name...

2009-03-16T22:27:00.000-07:00

When I started this (two or three whole posts ago) I thought the blog title was fairly original. I love the concept of the Talking Stick as a way to facilitate communication. But, apparently so did a LOT of other people! I have, therefore, decided that this thing needs a new name.

Here are a few choices I like:

Damn Glad to Meet You (for purely personal reasons this one cracks me up!)
Fortress of Blogitude
...We Also Write Blogs (from a story by Robert Heinlein)
Foot Long Chili Blog (purely for the silly factor)
If This Goes On... (from a second Robert Heinlein story)
Intellectual Limbo (I can't decide if this is for the "place" or the dance...)
Washing My Brain
Infinite Dominoes (based on a quote from a book by Orson Scott Card - “Free will doesn’t exist. Only the illusion of free will, because the causes of our behavior are so complex that we can’t trace them back. If you’ve got one line of dominoes knocking each other down one by one, then you can always say, Look, this domino fell because that one pushed it. But when you have an infinite number of directions, you can never find where the casual chain begins. So you think, that domino fell because it wanted to.” Ender's Game, p. 384)
Collapsing Wave Functions (Quantum Mechanically speaking, we're all just collapsed wave functions (or a pieces of a larger collapsing wave function))
Name this blog

If none of these strike your fancy, please, make a suggestion of your own. I have plenty of time. Meanwhile, I will continue to blog about things that strike my fancy and hope that my observations and opinions have some relevance to you, or not.

Why life sucked until I was 30.

2009-03-12T12:32:00.000-07:00

Depression runs in my family. My mother was undiagnosed all during my childhood. Of course I didn't know that at the time. I just knew that mom liked to sleep, a lot, and often felt "tired", and cried sometimes. I guess I thought that given our family story (I'll post about that some other time), this was just normal. I never really thought too much about it. And, I certainly didn't register that I had those same symptoms, although, from about age 13 on I did.

I first began to realize something was wrong with me when one day, with tears and much stopping and starting, I told my mom what I had been thinking for about a week: that my life sucked and that I often thought it might be easier to just step in front of a moving bus than to deal with it. She put me in therapy immediately.

But I didn't stay in therapy; therapy has never really helped me. I share easily enough without needing a therapist to do so (as you are reading) and truthfully I never found one I really trusted. Plus there was the whole money thing. At the time mom's insurance didn't really provide good coverage for mental health (ironic given that she worked for the Michigan Department of Mental Health at the time we're talking about). So, staying in therapy meant finding a way to pay for more than the 10 sessions a year our insurance covered.

The symptoms of Clinical Depression vary from person to person and can even vary for the same person over time. My Depression symptoms have indeed varied over time. In fact, they have varied greatly in scale and type over my lifetime. As I said earlier, my depression hit me in my early teens. It manifested first with constant feelings of being "down" or sad and with feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness. For a kid with self esteem issues to begin with those last two became such a part of my life that I gave them a name: the "Green Meanies" (named after the Blue Meanies from the Beatles movie Yellow Submarine). I often had problems sleeping as well. These varied from not being able to get to sleep to waking up several times during the night. Also common were long jags of sleepiness where my body "caught up" with it's need for down time. It was not uncommon for me to sleep for 12-14 hours at a time. I have in fact slept more than an entire day away in the past. I also had trouble concentrating or staying focused on a task which lead to problems in school - couple that with a high intelligence (as immodest as that sounds) and you have a kid who can easily grasp new concepts and not only hates homework (staying on task was a problem) but finds it pointless (I knew the material - homework was repetitive, boring and hard to stay focused on anyway).

The episodic nature of Major Depression is one of the real problems "normal" people have with understanding it as a disorder/disease. You'll hear people say "pull yourself out of it" or "we all feel a little blue now and then". And, in fact, it can go away, for months or even years at a time. During those times it is even possible to feel "normal". In fact, for some people depression is a one-time thing or very short term thing or is something they deal with for a short period during their teens and then again in mid-life. But, not for me. For me, and for MANY others, Depression is a long term chronic issue. It WILL return.

In my early and mid-twenties I continued to be undiagnosed and I continued to careen from depressive episode to depressive episode interspersed with periods of relative stability. There were just enough of those "stable" periods for me to continue to believe I was "OK" when the real truth was that I had a hard time holding a job, and school was completely off my radar. In effect I wasted an entire decade learning to deal with my depression. I call it my "lost decade".

At age 28, due in large part to the ending of a major romantic relationship (major for me, for her, no so much) my depression came to a head. When that relationship crashed I nearly did the thing a lot of people with depression think about all the time (and many actually do): commit suicide. I never really got close but I sure thought about it, a lot. It was perhaps the single darkest period of my life. Over that two year period I lost friends, jobs, a place to live, and nearly took my own life; it was rough. But, I made it through, and all this STILL without medication.

In my early thirties I got a job with enough benefits that I could really take a look at getting treatment. I began to hear more about Major Depression and its symptoms and realize how much they matched what I had been dealing with. Plus my mom got diagnosed and got onto medication and I saw the incredible changes it made for her. I got on my first medication at about age 32. But again, the episodic nature of the disorder can lead you to make foolish decisions - like going off your medication. Plus not all anti-depressants are created equal nor do they work the same for every individual. Suffice to say after three or four years struggling with medications with rough side effects and a couple of years when I didn't take meds (or tried to self medicate with herbs), I am now on a medication that works for me.

But what prompted this post is that I got lazy last weekend and missed two days of my medication. The particular SNRI I am taking takes a while to build up in your body, but stop taking it and in VERY little time (read two days for me) you will notice the lack. I have been back on them since Monday but have spent the last week feeling flighty and disconnected, tired, and having sleep issues (three days of the last 4 I have gone to sleep at 7pm and slept until 7am) and "not myself".

So, my word to the wise? Take a depression screening. If it says you have or are at risk of having depression TAKE ACTION!!! You do NOT have to live that way! It may take time and a combination of drugs and therapy but you CAN get back to even.

Also, if you are on ANY SSRI or SNRI drugs DO NOT STOP TAKING THEM even for a short period, even (especially) if you're feeling "better". Consult with your health care provider before you make ANY change to your medications. And, most of all, listen to your body.

And last but certainly NOT least, advocate for more programs and an increase in health care funding for mental health in your area. There is no reason for ANYONE to have to suffer with this disorder. or worse to take their own life because they cannot see a way out of the darkness.

I have learned to have no shame about this - it is who I am. And maybe, by talking about it, I can help someone else to avoid their own "lost decade". Have you struggled with Major Depression? Bi-Polar disorder? Panic attacks or Anxiety? If so, would you consider sharing your story? Perhaps you can help someone else to slay their version of the "Green Meanies".

The Talking Stick is yours...

Thought is not action - ACTION is action

2009-03-10T13:16:00.000-07:00

There is an old aphorism that "thought is action". Bunk! Bubkiss! Hooey! Shenanigans! Hokum! That's a lie. Thought is not action, ACTION is action. Thoughts may lead to action but the difference between a design for the perfect bridge and the bridge itself is a whole lot of ACTION (the Secret and every other self help book written in the last 100 years aside).

For those who don't know me I will let you in on a not-so-secret of my own: procrastination is my nemesis (evidenced by the date of my last post). Oh, I mean to do things; they are on the top of my list, but strangely they get left by the wayside. I am a man of great big ideas, ideas that inspire my passion. But, I am plagued by a lack of follow through. There is another old aphorism about eating an elephant in small bites. But this presumes you've enough oomph to take that first bite.

I find that I can say things like: "I want to blog about that". And, at the time I certainly mean it. I do want to blog about it. But, I somehow find other things to do, or, other things find me, and before you know it another hour or another day has passed and the blog entry is still unwritten, or the laundry is still undone or the car's oil is still unchanged...

There were two recent issues that I REALLY want to write about but haven't found the time/energy/motivation/oomph both involving compromise: a NYT OpE d that proposed a middle ground compromise on same sex marriage and a Time magazine OpEd that proposed a middle ground on the abortion issue. Both of these are tier 1, highest priority civil rights issues IMHO. If I can get my gumption up about ANYTHING it is about those two issues. And yet the blog is still only half written.

How do you fight procrastination? Is there a method? Is there a class I can take? Or, is it something I just need to steel myself to accept - I will always be challenged by my own lack of follow through? Tell me about your challenges - if you have them. How have you fought procrastination in your own life? Maybe you will have the magic pill I need to get some gumption.

The Talking Stick is yours...

Testing the waters

2009-03-02T23:12:00.001-07:00

I finally decided that I needed a blog of my own (http://talkingstickblog.blogspot.com). This should post out to Facebook as well. But before I get started posting I wanted to lay down a few rules:

I have things to say, about politics and religion, about morality and ethics and about life in general. The Talking Stick is going to be my forum for that. If you don't like it, don't read it. I am not writing this for you, I am writing it for me.

I won't be answering flames that disagree with me. If you want to engage in a thoughtful discussion of the issues I'm all for it. But, I balk at butting heads with morons; never try to teach a pig to sing, it only wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Upfront warnings:
I am a progressive liberal - George Bush is not only a moron, he's a war criminal, as are most of his senior staff.

I am an agnostic humanist - I respect your right to worship your god as you see fit. But please, I pray, recognize that your right to your religious beliefs ends where it attempts to enforce itself on non-believers, even (or especially) for their own good.

I am pro-choice and against capital punishment and see no moral ambiguity in that position. They are separate issues. One involves the state infringing on the medical choices of its citizens, the other is state sanctioned murder. The fetus has no rights until its born; the murderer can be kept behind bars for his entire life for far less cost morally and financially then by putting him to death.

I am for gun control but am pro gun rights again no ambiguity there, it is a long stretch from a handgun to protect your home and family to a sub-machine gun or assault rifle; there is such a thing as sensible restraint of rights.

Knowing the rules please read and comment. I will be writing whether you read it or not...